i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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