My hand turned me down
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
