im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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