you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
