i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
