yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
