I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize