So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
