i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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