I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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