I showed him my bush... on skype.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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