Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
