Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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