If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
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