i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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