Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
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I lost the right to judge tonight
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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