At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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