Don't make out with my wife yet
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's shark week go big or go home
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
