Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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