It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
