i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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