YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
