I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
