i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
