HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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