Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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