just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
