he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
