i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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