The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
