If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
