Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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