i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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