He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
