I'm eating all of the evidence.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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