Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize