therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
