I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
