My friends, they love my intelligence
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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