Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
