About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
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