first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my vag is so smooth its legendary
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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