I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
