Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
