Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
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I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
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"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I want to fling myself into the sun
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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