You work out of a Hotel?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
