she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
