i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
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