You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
