Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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