did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
