I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
