I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
