Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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