Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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