im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
