That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
