help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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