So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
