hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
