everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
