JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
