just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
