I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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