I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
