She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
