Already got asked if we're dating
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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