4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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