Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
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We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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