Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize