Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
